Batman Meets Evil Dead
by PumaMav Enterprises
Summary: Ash and the Batman crew go to a cabin in the woods. Hilarity ensues.
1. Batsmen: Eval Ded

This story bout mans named Batman and Ash.  
  
Bye Mav and FF and pumaman and vinman and extortionist  
  
  
It 9 PPM, Batmen and Robin and Batgirl are dirving down teh road in 1972 PSO buick, Ash sit next to batman telling story of how he got chainsaw arm and kill zombies.  
  
batman then tell ash how he knocked Joker off building into ground and he die  
  
the bat people and ash drive down road more unitll they get to a Logg cabbin where they spend nite becuz they on vacation, they exit car and go in  
  
Robin sez, 'Hey Batmen look at dis tape, it say, "Do nto play, will relesae bad spirit"  
Batmen look at Robin, "Wel You smarty man, you cann read, press da button i not understand what it meen.'  
  
Robin press button, and evil spirit comes out and tkaes over everynoe except Batman and Ash.  
  
Ash and Batmen take guns and chainsaws and kill Robin and Batgirl.  
  
Then Joel Shioumahekr open door and come in, he sez to Batman and Ash, "I stupid smarty mna I gay and stupid, stupid i say damnit! GIMME COLOR LIGHTING! NO MORE NORMAL STUFF THATS RELASTIC!"  
  
Batmen pull out chainsaw and cut off Shoihgmakers hed.  
  
Then Shiumakkers hedd start taklin, "you guys nevir guna exape live, us zombies goona keel u!"  
  
Ash steps on Shuumacers hed just az too rednex walk in. One uv Shoumekkers eyz shuuts in girl rednek's mouth. Ash, Batman and guy rednec laff at the girl. The girl chokes to deth, but not befur she strenglz the guy rednekk tu.  
  
story part too!  
  
Ash say "groovy! We killed the not good guy good!  
  
Batmen look at himt and nod his head. me once kill the Riddle like that except me was stoned and stuff"  
  
You got to ketch them all sez pikachu  
  
Wut was that? Ash and burtman say in younyeson "Me!" say Robin who is looking cool and stuff.  
  
Batgirl get taken over buy evil demons and stuff. Ash duz not think this is a good thing. "No, do not kill her she is are friend" says Batman. He then take batarang and hit her over head with it. "Maybe when she wake up, she will not be so mean."  
  
"Good," say Ash. Say, have you seen Pamela?  
  
Yeah, say Batmen. She in forest getting molested by tree. I ask her if she wanted help, but she jis yell at me so I cry and left her.  
  
Then the knewly made Pioson Ivy come in! Uh oh say them all!  
  
Then aluvva sodden a purtal opens and Ash and Batman and the others are suckd in. They fal outta skie in midll of a fight betwein meddeval knights anna flying demon.  
  
Ash and Batman kill the demom and the kknights kal them heroz from the sky. other bad guys stil there tho!  
  
yore all gonna die now cryed poisond ivey out loud  
  
Batmen say "that cant be! we hav to stop her befor shedoes it!!!"  
  
Pickachu says "pickachus!" not now hhe say to pickachu and fights pioson ivy but she shots her thing and hits robin in the bones  
  
Robin say Im not gona makeit this time!  
  
Batmen annd ash fight pioson ive abd stabs her in the guts  
AAAGHRR!  
  
and they wre saved!  
  
Prt Tree!  
  
Then suddenly an earthquake occurrs and every1 iz swalllowd into the erth! Batman and Ash fallbut are saved by a moneky who happens to like swinging thru huge crachs and saving faling heeros. den the monkeyy mutaes in2....EVOL MUNKEY DOOD!!  
  
"You going die, foo!" screaches the Evol Munkey dood!   
  
Just then, Evil MUnky Dude suffers a fatel hart attack!  
  
"$1uRP33D!" cher Batmen and Assh as a bullet flies throo Batmanz hed.  
  
"Finally that damn guy died!" saiz Ash, as hee strtz Choping up zombbies that apppear from nowhere  
  
"U iz gonna die!" yeled pIkachu!  
  
"NO dood! Uz go 2 die!"  
  
dey both did. xept Ash was reincrnateed.  
  
den U died.  
foo.  
  
  
-  
  
  
so u faught. Batmen get up take bowlet out of head and say, "Lucky I smarty man and wear bullet proof helmet." den Ash gets up and laughz  
  
day den luk up and see evol munkey dood lay agg that hatch into Eval batmen!  
  
"Oh No!" Batman sez  
  
"We shouldz all blame Cpaitlism and stuff cuz me smarty man ands/ors woman!" sez TXFFON-anomalouslycondescendingandanalretentive.  
  
den evil batmen jump in and sez, "I eval Batmen, you cantst not escapes me!  
  
Den ash throw his chainsaw to good guy batmen who beats up evil batmen and den evil batmen die but Ash cant tell difference!!  
  
Ash, "You goods batmen or bad batsmen?  
  
Batman sez, "I good batmen!"  
  
Ash then sez, "Proove it!"  
  
Batman sez, "Me have bat credits cards unlikes evil batsmen  
  
Ash then sez, "Okayday lets go gets homes."  
  
Ash iz takkled fro behynd by Batman. "I faught u sed u wuz good Batman?"  
  
"I lyed, foo. An what chu mean 'lets go gets homes'? we stuk here, foo."  
  
Just as Evil Batman is about to kill Ash, guud Batman wekz uppy and stops him. Good Batman hulds bad Batman whiell Ash choppies evil Batman upp wid hiz chansaw.  
  
After gttin rid of evil Batman body, Ash and Batman walk awai laffin. Soon a speedy white car skids to a stop bezid dem. A gay lukkin guy hops outta car. "hey i speed racer, you guys niid a ride?"  
  
Ash, Batman and Speed hop inna Mach 5 and drive off into the sunzet.  
  
then things No good anymore as krayzi dude bloew up car!  
  
NO!!!! yell batman and ash as they our ejected from car "What we do now?"  
  
Jus then, sped racer on fire come back to life and beat up batmen. batmen cry.  
  
"Why you not like us anymore? I thought we wur friends?'  
  
'you stole a toy from me when i was this many years old' say speed  
  
Then crazy guy who blow up car die and toy fall out of pocket IT WUZ HIM ALL ALONG!  
  
battrmen and speed racer make up but sped is on fire so he turn into pile of ash. Ash say "I thought i was the only ash here!" he and batman laff!  
  
Man in blu shirt yells words as batmen listend "yu stop caressign that dam sheep this way and grabs tha bustre sord from the dirt flor and attacks them! betmen fires the batguns and ducs the attaks and shots the guy in the body  
  
the wrld is safe agan from the evel monster but then the monstr attacks the city  
  
  
Batman den give Ash tights and sez, "Go dress as woman like meeza ands robins. then we go fights crime in the batplane thingy that i bought with my vsat fourtune.  
  
Ash sez, "I dwess no like woman like you batmen. but i dwess like women tonite two stops bad stuffz."  
  
Batmens nodzs , "Wee goe nows."  
  
Batsmen and Ash walks to Batplane and jumps in where thay go and saearch for monster in citie.  
  
"Meesza stupids and me hates america! long live Nazi's!" sez TXFFON  
  
Batsmen looks round, "Wat wuz thats?"  
  
Ash sez, "I dough no."  
  
  
then the world become dark and everybody no longer in medil Ages  
  
Ash cheer, "Yay."  
  
They say dat kat Shaft is won bad muther!  
  
Batmen and ash then fight muster freez who make ash into snowman but ash do not like being snowman so he take carrot out of his nose and use as wepin!  
  
batmxn say yay! but ash melts. so batman wait until winter for ash to make solid so thay go fight bad guise  
  
now TXFFON talk to imajinery muly and sculler in head what dat up you're ass?  
  
ash and batmen go to batcave were alfred ded  
  
  
den batmen go, "He waz like fadder to me."  
ash sez, "I be melting nows... It too hot in cave..mee die...aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"  
ash dies and den a written statment fwom the govenorment is shown stating he cans't be ressureectedds.  
  
Batmen goez, "I have nothings left!" and he lokcss hisslef in teh caves so he cann play with hsi tites wthi nipples.  
  
  
  
  
dis time u really ded foo!  
  



	2. Batsmen: Eval Ded II - Bat By Dawn

BATMEN MEAT EVEL DED: THE SEEKEL  
Bye Mav  
  
It dark knight in Gotahm Citie, lites all dark, den a yellow lite in the sky! It be BAT SAGINAL!  
Batmen look up from cave where he play with nipples on rubber suit, and see bat saginal!  
  
he jump in 1972 POS biuck batcar and drive to Goardon!  
  
"Batmen d'ere be eval in da city tonite!"  
"Okie I save day like normal!" Batmen sez  
  
den Batmen jump out window and lands on the ground breaking back!  
  
"OWWIE!" Batmen sez, den Ash walk up.  
  
"Batmen! look me alive, me not die when melted, me back now!"  
"yay! you live Ash, let go kill eval in da city!"  
"Alright den we say, "Come get sum!" when we see dem, k?"  
"okie." Batmen sez.  
  
Batmen and Ash wolk down the roads den see Eval Ash! who taken form of JOEKER!  
  
"HAAHAH ME EVAL ZOMBIE! You nots stops me in the other storey!"  
Batmen look at good Ash, den hit him with da frying pan.  
  
"Okie mr. smarty man zombie! come get sum!" batmen sez, batmen takes Ash's chainsaw arm and cuts jokeher up ins to many peaces.  
  
Ash den wakes up, "Why you hit me batmen, we friends readmember?"  
Batmen look at Ash den sez, "I sorry, I angry cuz you sez eval was ded!"  
Ash sez, "i sorry, i thot dey wer!"  
"Let go save dey in 1972 POS Biuck!" Batmen sez  
Ash and Batmen chear, and jump in da buick, den the 70's batmen music starts playing, den batmen and ash sing along to the wordz, den ash says 'Ash' instead of 'Batmen' and den they stops the car an beats up eech other! den dey get backs in and drive offs.  
  
den dat spinny thingy happen and dey cut to midevil tmie!  
  
  
Robiin and Batgril stands up, batsgril puts her head backs on.  
  
"D'at was a closed one Batgrl!" Robin sez  
"Yes it was, lets use mightee morphine powerz to go back and hertz batmen and ash!"  
"Okie!" Robin sez  
  
den Powher Rangeehrs song plays and den Robin and Batsgrl sez, "Morphine times! T-Rex! Ogdgsaurus!"  
den they magic appear in Gotham citie!  
  
den spinny thingy happen agin ands batmen and ash on top of building.  
  
"Hay ash! dere is that crazzzy monkee agin!" Batmen sez  
"Yes batmen, dere it is! and he have friend!" Ash noats  
Batmen and Ash use dere supar powhers and go downs to the eval monkee!  
  
"Hay Eval Monkee, who that?" Batmen sez  
"Dat is my trainher UniPuma!" the Eval monkee sez  
"Bad Monkee!" Unipuma sez.  
Den Batmen sez, "Monkee eval! Not Badz! Leave monkee alone!"  
Den Unipuma sez, "NO BADS BATSMEN!"  
den Ash take da frying pans and knocks Batmen and Unipumas out!  
batmen fall to ground agains and breaks back, ash fly downs and laffs  
"you stupid batmen!" Ash sez  
"Shoodufmaker mades me that ways! nots me fault!"  
  
den Joel Shosdamaker walk in, "NO COLORLIGHTING HERES! CUT!" den Batmen get up an fix back, den he take chainsaw to Shsodmasker, "No more bad scripz and lightnings!" den cuts hims up again.  
  
"Feer Me! Me willll nevar be's gones! I willz makes batsmen movies stupidser then evers now!"  
Den Ash kick SHosmaker into gothim futball fields and scores points, den the crouwd chears! "ASH! ASH! Hes ar men, hes da one with da chainsaw hand! YAY!!"   
  
Den Batmen and Ash walks down street and see's Batgrl and Robin! OH NO!  
  
den batgrl throw hed at Ash who den knocked out!  
  
"PIIKAAAAAAAAAAACHUUU!" is den heard and bolt of lighting hits Batgrl who den dies!  
"PIKA PIKA!" den Rbin is killsed too!  
  
den Batmen looks and sees little yellow muose thng  
  
"Helloh littles yelllows muose! I Batmen, dat Ash!" batmen sez  
Pikachu den sez, "Me Pikachu! me stopz all eval! me joins u!"  
Den Ash gets up and all 3 chear!  
  
den they all joump in Batscars 1972 POS Biuck, and dey drive off, den giants portals open and dey end up in Post-Apocolyptic worlds! OH NO!  
  
Den Pikachu sez, "we save dey by re-estlishindsgs hoouman powre!"  
Batmen den sez, "yes me agree, whats bout yous ash?  
Ash den sez, "dat a good idea me thinks!"  
  
dey den walk downs deserts covered roads untils they finds a buildings labeled GCPC! dey den go in and finds an old Gordian sitting at desk readsing reports.  
  
"Gordian? Your still alives?" Batmen sez  
Den Gordian sez, "Yes, dis is onlys 2 days laters, you travelleds, callifornia luannched nukes at da west coest, ands now we heres, all other houmans nows zombies, including mees." he den takes his cane from under da desk and swaps da yellows pikachu's.  
pikachuu den knocked out, den Batmen take hihelander swords and swipes off Gordians head, den wins the prize! YAY.  
  
Den da invenation sceene from da Eval Deds movies plays, but ash builds batsmen a power hihelanders sword, dat is like chainsaw!  
  
den Batsmen and gang goes outsides and finds normoals humans, and startrs news worlds order! and dey live happillys ever afterz  
  
but den, "Downs with America!" is herd, TXFFON IS BACK!  
  
  
BATMEN MEATS EVAL DED III coming soon!  
  
  



	3. Batsmen: Eval Ded III: End Game

Betman meets Eval Ded III - Pikaschus too!  
---- The Final Cut -----  
Bye Mav and Amazing Colossal Puma Man  
  
  
  
TXFFON-egotisticalwithmassivesuperioritycomplex say, "Me dilettante! You not wurthy to b in my presents! Me smart! S-M-R-T! Me bether than yuo! Me better than America! Me IQ iz 2,000,000,000! You idiotic moronic doods! All hoo disagree with me stoopid!"  
  
TX tern back to normal wen she take pills but Ash thismember hir wit chainsaw!!!  
  
Batsmen ansd Ash wauks downs stweet when dey see evil dedites dat looks like decaysed Rbin ands Batsgril  
pikaschus sit on ash's sholder and den sez, "Pika! dey be eval Rbin and Batsgril still nots learnsed lesson!"  
Rbin den sez, "Join us Batsmen Ash ands littles yellowsh muose!"  
Batsmen den sez, "We neveer joins you! yous stupid!  
Rbin den sez, "YOU DED FOO!"  
Pikaschu den jump off Ash shoulder den bites Rbin's leg!  
"Gets offs me stupids mosue!" Rbin showts!  
  
Batsmen laugh den pull out Hihelandser sord ands chops offs Rbin's head, den batsgril!  
  
then sooper cool plain fly from sky and the WING COMMANDER SQUAD sooperheroes come out! der Mav and Fighting-Falcon and ACPM and Extortionist and Vinman they all kowl! all peepole go to profesitr caben in woods!  
  
at this time, eval unleashed onto world and only batsman and ash and WING COMMANDER SQUAD kan stop it, so they train by Yoda! "Strong in the Force our you, hmm?" they are cool Jedeye now and they gets lasersords! groovy say ash!  
  
Den awl of WING COMMANDER SQUAD possesss by Kandarian deemins! "We will swollowe you're souls!" Ash you's chainsawe arm two decapitate them all and lok in baysment!  
  
Batsmen give batarang to Ash and Ash tern arm into batarang lawncher. "Groovy!" say Ash.  
  
Den apockoliptick sooper-evil force apeer and onyl batsmen and ash can sayve d-eh! It TXFFON!  
  
"Pikachu!" say Batrsmen and he give him Batarang! "Use dis!" Pikachu kcik lot of but.  
  
Butt untinkabull happens! WING COMMANDER SQUAD come back to lief as Deadites! Theb Bad Batman Ash come bak to lief! All seems lost!  
  
But Tilur Derdin blow up cabin and everybody ded! For good.  
  
Then Deth Star blow up Earth. Den sun go suopernova. Same wit all other stars in galaxy. Den entyer univers collapps on itself!  
  
THE END FOR GOOD!  
  
  
But den Ash wake up fwom slweep, it dreem! Kandarian deemins knocked him uncontious. Mav sez, "Yous okays Ash? You wants wonder drugz? day make yous super, like da Supers WC squads."  
  
Den Ash sez, "No, drugs bad m'kay?" but den Mav sez, "Asprin bad? okays if you don'ts want it, buts its sciencesiftic facts that it lower hart attack!" den Ash sez, "Die." den Mav sez, "KNOW!" den Ash sez, "Okaies!"  
  
Den evals dedites comes out. Mav uses supers powers and kills dedites bys lookings at dem.  
Ash sez, "WOWIE!" den Mav grin. Batsmen walk in and dey all party, but den more dedites come!  
  
The Amazing Colossal Puma Man flys around roome and throh needils at Deadites. Aztec guy sez, "You're hands our claws!" Puma then tear off Deadites heds!  
  
Pikachu go to Matrix. "Pika know kung-foo!" Den he jump, paws in midair and kick deadites in hed!  
  
Den Batsdmen sez, "Yous gets all fun!" den he frow batrangs ats pikachus and kil him!  
  
Ash den say, "NO BATSMEN! PIKA FRIEND!"  
Batsmen den shake head, he den see da Necronomican on tables, and points, "Looks Ash! it da Necronomican da only thing thats cans stops the eval dedites and etc!"   
Ash grins and pix up book, "Whats I say?  
Batsmen sez, "Vini vidi vici."  
Ash den sez, "Okie dokie!"  
He den say, "VINI VIDI VISA!" den cabin catches fire and burns to ground! Ashs ands batsmen run off with da book.  
  
  
Dey den confronted bye Connor MyCloud who escape from Watcher prison aftur Kell and emmortil chain gang kill evybuddy dere. But Doncin kill Connor to gain hiz power like in new movie even dough it contradict the tv episode "Methos" were he refooze to do same ting. Den doncin kill deadites wit move he learn from Connor like he kill bad gye in knew movee!  
  
but Pikachu revived bye Connor quickening. "Der can be onlee Pikachu!" he say and cill Donchin MyClod! Pika EVIL!!!  
  
So den eval pika go get rvenge ons batsmen, "DERE ONLY MEE!!!!!" Sez Pika to batsmen  
Batsmen looks at eval dedite pikaschu who chagring supers lightnsing spells. "PIKA-DIE!" sez pika to batsmen  
and shocks batsmen (who die from dis) who turns into fine blacks powder, wit dat Pika die agains, and Ash stand alone shoked!  
  
ash look at necrosminanca agin and dis time sez, "VIDI VINI VICI!" everything den appear to bes backs to norml ands all eval ded, den Ash ands Batsmen throw partyi! buts den Joel Sheitsmdfamerk walk in again, carry hed in bag! "YOUSA FAILS BATSMEN! ME WINS AGAIN! YOUS NEVERS ECAPE BAD LIGHTING ANDS SCRIPTS! YOU SUTPIDS! I WIN!!!!!!!!!! BAHAHAHA" but den Shietetamasker dye wens he finds outs dat Batsmen ded and no mores movies cans be amdes.  
  
Den tyler durden kome out of Ash head and blow up world again!  
  
NO ESCAPE FROM DIS DETH FOO'!  
  
'cept Ash who wents in portal to prehistoriec times, cuz of shis basds spells castings!  
  
den Clarks Grsiwlad fwom da nationla lampoons vacations moviesc walks in and sez, "squirels suck."  
  
  
you ded now.  
foo.  
  
Hehehe, fooled you foo!  
  
Now Ash and Clerk meet fred and barnee. and jay and silint bob teleport in becuz they cool. end robby da robot two! dey the THE NEW MAGNIFICENT SEVEN. dey get into sooper cool WING COMMANDER SQUAD plain powered by fred's too feet! Time too kill zombie dinosores! ands non-zombies squirels!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY 


	4. Batsmen: Eval Ded: In the Beginning (pre...

BATSMEN: EVAL DED - THE PREEKWELL!  
  
Ash walk down eile in S-mart. He say "Shop smart shop smart," he says! Another demin do possess costomer and Ash kick it ass! He grabs boomstick and kill it! "Groovy you ded now! Shop smart, shop s-MART!"  
  
Bruce Wayne in wimen's clothign section of S-Mart. Buying new tights he is. "Wile I'm here, I pick up new rock decoration for batcave." he thinks.  
  
"Excusre me," Bruce say to guy who work their. "Wear can I find decoartions?"  
  
"Go to housewheres. Ash help you." So Bruce go to that eile. Ash there fight demon and Bruce take bat-shotgun out of pocket and kill demon.  
  
"Uh oh" say Batman since Ash now no secret identify! "My secret out! We partners now?"  
  
Ash say groovy!  
  
Batman den walk down street with Ash, dey run into BATGIRL AND ROBIN! "Hellos Robins I'ms Batsmen." Batmen say.  
  
"Holy bad actsing Batman! dat Ash from that movie about zombies!" Robin sez.  
Ash den say, "One more peep outta you birds boy I shove rock up your *@$*@$%%#%*#%$@*%#$()^$@#*!@&!@$(#&%@$%&(@$&$(%&@$&(%@#!@!!!@$#$$#!!!"  
Robn den beg forgiveness.  
  
PIKA!  
  
  
They den walk to batscave where Batmen put down rock decoration next to giants dinosaurs and coin.   
Alfreds den walk in, "Master Bruce, I'vee seem to drink all of your alocholic bevreages."  
  
Batsmen den say, "Oh No! Nows I can't get drunk with Michelle Phieffer on couch whiles watching Penguin   
tree lightsing ceremonie!"  
  
Alfreds den pass out and start drooling.  
  
Batmen den sez, "We needs to gets him drinkings coff syrup n'stead!" Batsgirl and Rbin nod in agerement.   
Ash den point ats TV on computer, "Looks! its Emperor Jokers! he is battlings Luke Blairhamil!"  
Dey all say OH NO!  
  
Dey all den run to speciallys markesd vehicles.  
  
"Whys canst I haves a car?! Guys dig the car!" Rbin sez, "Err..I mean chicsk nots guys!"  
  
Batsmen ands Ash laguhs as Rbin spills his secrets.  
Den Rbin sez, "Its not me fault! Batsmen dressesd me in tites!"  
  
Ash jump in da Chanesaw mobiles, Batsmen in da 1972 Fords POS! ands Rbin in his stupid red motercicle.   
Dey all drive to church wheres Blairhamils ands Jokers are phighting.  
  
"Hellos Lukes Blairshamil ands Emperors Joker! I'ms Batsman!"  
Jokers laff and chops off Blairhamils hed, Rbin den run over ands starts crying over the deth!  
  
Batsmen den pulls supers magics supers pushing machines out of his yelllows belts and uses it on Joker!  
  
Jokers land on ground and die.  
  
  
Dey all go homes in dere specially marksed vehicles, and sees Alfreds talking to youngs once attractives females whos now fats and uglys.  
  
Bruce say, "Hellos I'ms Batsm...err Bruces Waynes!"  
Den young onces attractives females whos now fats and uglys sez, "Hellos I'm Barbara Wilson/Pennyworths/Gordon. Nices to meets you Batsm...err Bruces Waynes!"  
  
Den Bruces sez, "Alfreds watch hers while I goes to the secrets cave!"  
Alfred sez, "Okay!"  
  
when Bruces runs off, Alfreds sez, "I'll tells you wheres the batsmen is, ands who he is, if yous get me a 12 packs Barbara!"  
  
Barbaras sez, "Okies!" den runs off ands comes back withs 12 packs of beer!  
Alfreds sez, "Okies, open dat doors over dere and goes down the steps and you at cave! ands Bruce Waynes is Batsmen."  
  
Barbaras runs off and goes down to see stuf. "Hellos Barbaras! dis is Alfred, I recordered a wav files whens i drunk, so i makes you madonna likes outfit! nows you Batsgril!"  
  
  
Meenwhiles...  
  
Ash goes to da Waynes Studie, ands finds necronomicans, he reeds, "Yippi-Ki-yay! **#$)#%*@##)%@#*^)%@$*%^#$)^*#)^*#$)^@)!$%&%!!!!!*##*$*(!" den eval ded come! OH KNOW!  
  
  
He den run away and tells his mommy, who den come in and fix problmes!  
  
He chears!  
  
  
Den Bobs Kane walks in, "Wear is he!?"  
Ash sez, "Who?"  
Bobs sez, "Joel Shumafehdekcker!"  
Ash sez, "Who dat?"  
Bobs sez, "HE RUNE MY STORIES!!! I BOUGHT SUPERS WEAPONS OF DSESTRUCTION TO TEACH HIM!"  
Ash sez, "Ohs.. well not seens him.."  
Bobs sez, "Okie.. I find hims anyways."  
  
Bobs Kane den run aways with supers weapons fo destrtruction.  
  
Ash den meet ups with Batsmen who is nows depressesd.   
  
Ash ask, "What wrong Batsmen?"  
Batman say, "...Alfred stoles one of mys costumes and..changed it, so now dere is a females batman! DAT ALL WRONG!  
Ash say, "dat is rpboably why day call her Batgirl not Batman. FOO!"  
Batman say, "OH!" den is happys agin.  
  
Den Batsmen say, "I solds giants Dinosaur in cave, so nows i have gas fors the batsmobile, ands i know this cools cabin far away..so I goes on vacation!"  
  
Den batsgrl ands Rbin walks in, "WE GOTO!!!!!!!" den ash say, "Me as well.. S-Mart can waits a few days."  
  
day all cheer ands runs to 1972 buicks POS.  
  
  
...............................We all know what happens next.  
  
  



	5. Batsmen: Eval Ded Beeyond

BATSMEN EVAL DED! BEYOND!   
  
------  
  
  
  
  
  
Ash wake up and look around, he see lot of ugly hairy men in flindstone outfit! He ask, "Whos you!?" dey sey, "We cavemen! You come to prehistoryic times!"   
Ash eyes go wide he say, "where is da new magnifichent seven?!" den ugly hairy men d00d sez, "dey all died so we ate dem!" den other ugly hairy d00d sez,   
"Da Great Gazoo will sees you nows footure mans!" Ash den walk in straneg cave and see DA GREAT GAZOO!   
"i am da great gazoo! yous travell from footure, I sends yous back cuz you too stoopid to servive on yer own! "Before i send u to after now time,   
I give you dark and eval book - Weres Waldo!" Ash look at book and see Waldo on furst page, "Found him..no wait dat is da dog!"   
Den Gazoo sez, "It incked in blood and bownd in flesh!" Ash no pay attention and den DA GREAT GAZOO opun portol to after now time! Ash walk in and pop out rite  
infrunt of BATSMEN! who look ded.  
  
"Pikashchu killsd batsmen that evil littles yelloshw moues!" Ash den run upto Batsmen who stil alive! Batsmen open yellowsh belt and pull out Aul   
beter pill and he okay!  
You got two bye them all!" Zomby-Pikachu back!  
"Knot this time stoopid littal mousey thing!!!" say Ash. "I send you to futer!" Ash tayke out Where's Waldo and find waldo in too ours!   
Knew time portal open and Pikachu fly thru. Den Ash and Batsmen fly threw so do Timmay Drake Robin Grayson person and ras al ghoul guy dude!  
Were we BE??? ask Batrsmen. We in Batsmen Beeyond!!!  
--  
--  
Teri Miginiz fly in Gothem Sitee fiting Jokerz and Ridlerz and too-facez. Then Ash and Batsmen fly thru portal and land on top of Batsmen Beeyond.   
They all fall tward ground!!!  
  
Den Teri usee sooper armor batsmen suit to throw batsmen and ash offs him he den say, "I'm Batsmen! Who are yous?!" dey looks at each other den   
Batsmen sez, "I'm Batsmen! U IMPOSTER WANNA BE! YOU WORK WITH JOEL SHEUTSGMSAKER!" Den Ash sez, "Brings it on!"   
Den stupids Teri sez, "No!! Joel Shuedsigfsamkwera waas nots involved in my Batsmen movie! I lucky foo." Dens Jokerz and Ridlerz attack  
Batsmen Beeyond ands Batsmen ands Ash help him cuz he stoopid. Den Jokerz sez, "Ims Emperor Jokerz! Feal da force Batsmens ands Ash!"   
he den use magical move ands den Ash turn into ice! Batsmen yell, "No!! Not Ice Ash Round 2!" Batsmen pull out glow rod sord and cut off Jokerz hed!   
"DATS FOR KILLINGS LUKE BLAIRSHAMIL!" Den Batsmen get da quickening and lighting surrounds him and he fly in air for moment! Den Ridlerz leader pull   
out glow rod sord and sez, "DERE BE ONLY ONES BATSMEN!" den Speeds Racer pull up in superz jet car and grabs Batsmen ands Ash and drives off!  
  
Batsmen lookz at Speed Racer, "Speedy! you all old like old man now!" den Speeds Racer sez, "Yes I age after 40 years! buts I got sooper cars now!   
I takes you to da new Y2k compliants batscave dat is in secretz hiding place!  
  
Batsmen, Ash ands Speeds Racer gets out of sooper jets car, and looks at batscave. Dey all amazed as Alfred walks in!   
  
"Alfreds! Yous alive! How?! dat impossible!" den Alfreds sez, "Yes I alive! my bloods turned into alcohol and it run me likes car!" Den Alfreds drink   
coff syrup.  
  
Batsmen den looks at Al and sez, "who is dat stoopids batsmen out dere?" Al finishes off coff syrup and sez, "He is Teri Miginiz! he stoles bats computer  
hard drives, when i was passed out drunk on couch, he use it to makes suit! and now he's Batsmen Beeyond and he sez dat you stoopid!"  
  
Den Eval dedites come in to cavee from nowhere! den Ash like, "I can't move Batsmen! you have to stops them yerself!" but den Batsmen realize dat he don'ts  
know how to kills dedites den he get beatens up, and den Alfred take outs su0pers lasers guns from Batsmen Forever and Batsmen and Rbin and shoot dedites but  
den dedite sez, "YOUS WILL NEVER FIND DA NECRONOMICRON!" and rips out ALfreds hart! den Alfred die and Batsmen get gun and kill dedite! Den Ash take carrot nose  
since he frozen snowman thing and poke dedite eye out and kill them! but befores da dedites die one bite Batsmen and he turn into evil vampires!  
Ash den sez, "oh know!" but Batsmen is like, "Wha? ims still da same just gots pointy teeth!" Den Buffy da VAmpire slayers walks in who looks like   
Sarah Michelle Gellar, she takes out pointy stick, "YOU STOOPID VAMPIRE! I KILL VAMPIRE CUZ I VAMPIRE HUNTER NOWS YOU DIE VAMPIRE BATSMEN!" den Batsmen like  
"You stoopid. I crime fighter soopre hero! you have no chance aganst me!" den Batsmen flick finger and SMG look alike die. Den batsmen take out all better pill  
and swallow it he all better now! no more vampire!   
  
Den Batsmen and Ash look around cave and see dere old friend Foxhound! "Hellos Foxhounds! I'ms Batsmen!" Foxhound nod, "Hello!" Den Fox sez, "Batsmen,   
I tolds Batsmen Beeyond where u are now cuz i'm a double crossing $%*#$*(!!$%#%&#!!!!!" Batsmen cry, "I thought we were friends Foxhound! why you double cross me?"  
den Foxhound sez, "Cuz i'm a jerk." den Batsmen sez, "Dis remind me of da time he turned on his friends Mav_^ and KA!" Ash den pull out chainsaw and lop off Fox's head  
den he get the quickening! But den all of a sudden Batsmen Beeyond jump in and start attackings past Batsmen, "No! his soot is 5000 billions times stronger den me!  
AHHHHH." Den Speedy run up and grab Batsmen and Ash and dey escape in sooper jet car agan!  
  
Ash and Batsmen in Batcave wen Teri McNugget come in. "ME BATSMEN BEEYOND!" sexz Terri. He shoot reel Batsmen den attack Ash. Den Ash shoot icycle ffrom his hand lik in Jack Frost movee and it go thru Batsbeeyond chest and Ash take carrot nose and poke out I's and Teri die. NOW BATSMEN IS ONLY BATSMEN!!!  
  
"Satursday... 3 36 AM.... Gordon flashd da Batseagnal ands i'vee been ordereds to investigates a domestics dis...dis..disturbulation." Sez Batsmen into   
passenger seats camera. Batsmen gets out of 1972 POS Buekc and walks up to CAtwumans howse. He nock on door, Catswuman answers, "Batsmen! Lion-O cause problem,   
he take shirts off, he scary luoking!"  
Batsmen nod, "Dont worry mam! I'm Batsmne! I save day!" he walk in and pull club from yellows belt! He start beating Lion-O over hed with club,   
"YOU UNDER ARREST!" Batsmen den beat Lion-O till he dye! den he put handcuff on him and throw him in back of Buick! he get in car and start   
talking to da camera, "Its dese...Domeastic..Dis....dis..Disformulimulicated, dat realy get on my nerve! but it all in day work!" he start car and dwive off.  
  
Batsmen put rokits on his '83 Delta Ford Buick POS and he fly around city. DEn he meat Harysin Ford who say "Dis Batsmen Beeyond look like Blade Runner!!" He try to fite Batsmen but bat run away. Den Ridpley Scot come and say "You robot!" Harsen say 'No I knot!" Den Scot send Maximus to deactivatr him! Den Rusle Crow say groovy Ash one liner and dey both go away.  
  
Den Ash pull out Wheres Waldo and sez, "I send eval back nows! I figured out words me thinks!" den Batsmen shouts NOO!!!! but den it too late!! "Klato Verata nicto!" and Ash ands batsmen get sucked  
in portal and land infront of Grate Gazoo!  
  
Da grate Gazoo look at Ash, "dino-dung eating fool! Thou hast doomed us. When thou misspoked da words the Army of the Dead was awoke!"   
"Oh know! Primitive screwhed round 2!" Ash sez and look at Gazoo, "Wells sends us back not r problem!"   
Gazoo look at Ash, "Da passage is useless as long as da eval dead walk! Dey have desire for dis book! and dey shall come here to get it!   
once in dere possession da eval shall rule da Earth for thousand years! Becuz of yous Ash we all die idiot. Batsmen look at Gazoo, "Wells Gazoo  
what do we do?"   
  
Gazoo look at Batsmen hopin he smarty man. "You must find 'Where be Waldo now!' da seekwell to Where Waldo! dat is da only way we can sends u to yer time!"  
den Arthur, who everyone wonder if he king or someding. he sez, "Da Eval gather in da forest outside da castle!" den Ash sez, "Groovy. Let go Batsmen..  
I wanna go home." den Gazoo look over, "No Ash! you no go back till we get Where be Waldo now! ands you deefeet army of darkness!"  
Ash sez, "Bring it on!" and den walk into shed behind castle. He den take chanesaw and cut off Batsmen hand, he sez gwoovy! den he put chanesaw on batsmen hand  
den dey become..... DA CHANESAW TWINS! den Batsmen and Ash jump on dere mules and dey ride off to get da seekwell to where be waldo! but run into that sooper fast  
moving camera thingy! and it chase dem into old windmill and dey take deep breath.  
  
den Ash look in mirror and den Batsmen Beeyond jump out and tackle Ash and use sooper attack on him! Ash den take his carrot nose and poke him in eye!   
undead Batsmen Beeyond cry, den Batsmen come behind him with his chanesaw and cut hed off den dey bury him.. Ash sez, "Hey..whats dat on yer face?" and den  
throw dirt on him!" den dey jump on mules and hed to da CASTLE OF SECRETS! and dey walks in and see da Riddlerz!   
"Riddle me dis, riddle me dat.. Who be batsmen?!" da leeder sez, den his men grabs him and rip off Batsmen mask! Reveeling BRUCEY WAYNE! dey all drop  
mouth in shock. DEn Cristofer Walkin come in and sez "Brooce Wane? What hell you dres up like Batsmren for?" Ash den take shotgun and shoot him ded and sez  
"Cuz he is batsmen foo. Yous be ded now."  
everyone laff. Den Ash ands Brucey Wayne take on Riddlers with boomstick ands chanesaw! den dey go upstares and see "WHERE BE WALDO DA SEEKWELL" den Batsmen  
pick up book.."oh yes..Gaz00 sed dat we must speek werd to get it to work, he sed you sed da word before in previous movie so yous know what to sez!" and hands  
Where be waldo nows to Ash. Ash grunt and uh look scared den he sez...uh.."Klato..Verta.. Nic..." and start coffing.. den da eval surround dem! and dey  
Arthur and his so0per knite sqad run in and dey kill deadites. Den Ash ands Batsmen jump on mule and dey ride to castle and perpare fors battle! Ash deecide  
to fix up batsmobile dat went in time with dem. and he had giant chanesaw and den batsmen give all better pill to Ash and he no longer snowy! Den it happen  
da deadite attack castle! and all knite go fight dem and Ash run up and chop 'em up ands batsmen do same. Den after 945395934573457934795349634796347262  
deadite kill.. Rha's al Gool come in he all cool and eval lookin' he sez, "You shall never go back in time Batsmen ands Ash!" den he pulls out dooble  
blades chainsaw likes in Epesode 1! he fite batsmen ands ash den Batsmen cut off his hed and he get da quickening again. "Dat was eazy." sez Ash.  
Buts den OH NO! da ground starts shaking, and den the creepy voice start, "SUBCREATURES! RAHS AL GOO THE GOO,   
Rahs Al Goo THE DESTRUCTOR, VOLGUUS ZILDROHAR, THE TRAVELLER HAS COME. CHOOSE AND PERISH. Den Ash, "Choose, eh I'll takes  
Supersman for 800."   
Batsmen den Smack Ash, "IDIOT! NOW HE KILL US! WITH SOOPERMAN!"  
Den Soopermans Fly in! "Ah shit." Ash sez but den he pull out krpyotnian layerd Chanesaw and c ut off soopers head! den dey rejoice!  
Den dey Gaz00 sez to Batsmen, "okaies! you fogt eval off so you go home!" so he sez magic werds den dey drink da potion  
and dey wake up in normal times!  
  
den it cuts to S-Mart..  
"b4 we wents back doh...dey beggsd us to be Emperors..but we sed no, and den we went back.." sez Ash, den he walks to back of  
store where really hot bad actsing chick sez, "I thot dat story was cute." den Ash sez, "yes i know.. dats cuz it true!"  
den eval dedite woman jumps out! Den Ash run away! Den Batsmen crash in from skywindow! Den dey do macarena! den ash runs back and shoot  
zombie lady! den dey stop dancing den Ash sez..  
  
"Sur.. I coulda stayed in da past.. Coulds have even been empror! but in me own ways I'm emprer! Hail to da emperor baby!" den he kiss dead dedite  
instead of chick.  
  
  
PIKA!  
  
Da End --- Or is it?! 


End file.
